bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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