his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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