he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
