It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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