So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
