I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
