ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
