i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am midnight drunk by noon
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Who died my cat blue again?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
