we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
