You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
