Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
