The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
