Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
