If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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