as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
