This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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