bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i've created a new STD.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize