I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
