my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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