somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
