these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
