The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You need a sexual gate keeper
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
