I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
