Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if only i could text you this smell
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
