Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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