he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
