Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
