You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
