That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
zippers are such a cool invention
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize