yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
