Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
