Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
