Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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