:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
