How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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