Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
