At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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