I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
