Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
