drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
