Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
BRING THE BAGELS
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
