we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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