I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
