There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
