i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
