put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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