This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
