Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
