Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
