So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
