i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
