I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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