Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
