I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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