hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
