i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
