I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we're so committed to being not committed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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