Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
