I'm going to jail i love you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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