I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
