it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
