Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize