Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
