Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
