Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
