I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
