I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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