me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
