Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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