Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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