I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
