"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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