Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
