I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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