Soap is not a condiment
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
