So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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