I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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