There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
