The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
