I am puke
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize