i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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