...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
