It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
