video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
