I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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