I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize