Got a toothbrush?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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