drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
