she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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