24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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