We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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