brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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