hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
