just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just found puke in my bra..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
