I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
