I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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