Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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