Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
