I think im going to throw up on grandma
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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