My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize