Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
