i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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